Changing impression: I think only now I may be beginning to understand

I have lived in Japan for 3.5 months now, and even though I leaned a lot about Japanese culture, I’ve also come to understand that I there are many things that I really don’t understand.

As I arrived to Japan, I noticed how strict and inflexible things are here. In such a way, if one orders a meal set at a restaurant, and wishes to substitute desert for another slice of bread, for example, it is likely that he/she wouldn’t be able to do so even though a slice of bread is evidently cheaper than a slice of a cake. Why? Because set is a set. The same thing sometimes is also true for cafeterias. Another example is the seating in the buses of a long destination. The seats are assigned, and normally person is seated next to someone of the same gender. Once my friend and I did not get seats next to each other, and we asked if it was possible to switch with somebody. It wasn’t. Small things and nuances like these examples I see everywhere. Furthermore, if you break a rule, Japanese may be merciless, which I not only witnessed but actually got to experience on my own.

So how do Japanese survive in this country of rules and restrictions? Yes, Japanese are diligent people who like rules, but I also began to notice that they find ways to get around those restrictions. It all seems to be a matter of relationships and communication. My otoosan (host-father), for example, gets speeding tickets from time to time, but he always gets away without paying a fine. My okaasan (host-mom) can get discounts anywhere she goes and also seems to get around restrictions pretty easily. Unfortunately I do not know Japanese well enough to understand what my host-parents actually say in such situations. Sweet talk? There is common expression in Japanese goma o suru. In literal translation it means to grind sesame seeds, but as an idiom it is “applied to a person who plays sycophant or who fawns upon another” (Buchanan 63). Although this expression is often used in negative connotation, it seems to be a big part of Japanese culture and maybe even necessary component of building good relationships. Being nice to people and playing by “social rules” is taken to a whole new level in Japan. Moreover, Japanese culture is especially big on omiyage* and present giving.

If you go traveling, you are expected to bring back an omiyage for your boss, family, and other people, to show that you were thinking of them while away. Moreover, twice a year in Japan people send presents to everyone who helps and takes care of them. My otoosan in this time of a year gets at least one package a day. First when I heard about tradition of omiyage and present giving, it seemed a bit strange to me, but slowly I begin to see the whole picture. It is all about establishing good relationships. Japanese culture is strict, but if you have good communication skills and connections, you may be able to get around many things. Yes, it may be true anywhere in the world to a certain extent, but, from my observations, in Japan it is especially emphasized. Although I still do not fully understand how it works.

Another question is what do you do being a gaijin** in Japan? Do these techniques still apply?

* omiyage – lit. “souvenir”

** gaijin – lit. “foreigner”

Reference:

Buchanan, Daniel C., 1965. Japanese proverbs and sayings. University of Oklahoma Press. p. 63 http://books.google.com/books?id=wGb4zNqYj10C&pg=PA63&lpg=PA63&dq=goma+o+suru+expression&source=bl&ots=RAaFGE5hHg&sig=XNOl2C0luQqhdCv_CYLQYip4l4s&hl=en&ei=VOUlS6_pHIvW7AOUs9W0Bg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CB0Q6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=goma%20o%20suru%20expression&f=false